With this weekend being the only on in which the Steelers are inactive until hopefully mid-February, I'm relegated to taking in a bunch of other games from around the league and getting my rancor on.
With that in mind, I have a few small favors to ask of teams in action in Week 6.
St. Louis Rams: Listen, assholes. Time to get off the schnide, if only for a week. You Rams have to much talent to go winless. You did put up 31 points, albeit in a losing effort, to a solid 'Zona defense. If you can put up double digits again this week, that's probably enough to top the Ravens' shitastic offense. Failing that, Gus Frerotte should just head butt Ed Reed.
Kansas City Chiefs: Like your opponents, the Bengals, you have an impossibly overrated, and predictably underperforming head coach. So, really, this one could be a toss-up. I don't know. What you did to beat the Chargers, kindly do so once again. It's in Arrowhead, what more do you need? Okay, besides a quarterback, a running game, and a defense?
Dallas Cowboys: I don't like you and you don't like me. You were underwhelming against Buffalo, but I like your chances to rebound with a better performance at home against New England. Why? Because I need you to, that's why. Every time the Patriots win, it's like having my dick slammed in a phone book.
Miami Dolphins: Okay, I don't reeeaaalllyyy need you guys to beat Cleveland. Though the Browns helpfully picked off a few AFC North opponents, they will will rack up the losses on their own as the season wares on. It does, however, make easy fodder for mocking Cincy and Baltimore when the Browns are in second place in the division.
Having said that, I still have a soft spot for J-Peezy, though an appreciation that I need no longer apologize for his inane remarks and guarantees, and an abiding, burning contempt for "fucking soldier" Kellen Winslow. Also, Ronnie Brown is on my fantasy team and I'd like for you to run his ass many times as is humanly possible, like you really have a choice with that passing game.