Pats Win, But Their Fans Are Still Cowardly Sluts

Last week I mentioned the local contingent of Pats fans in D.C. threw down the drinking gauntlet, challenging D.C. Steeler Nation to an afternoon of flipcup the day before the game in Foxborough.

The site, McFadden's in Foggy Bottom, is, unbeknownst to me, a Bills bar. Hey, fine, cool, neutral site, makes sense. About 20 or so Steelers fans arrived at the appointed hour, while there were only about three or four Patriots fans. After about half an hour of waiting, the count stood at about 30 Steelers fans and about seven Patriots fans. The Pats fans held fast to the bar and seemed a little reluctant to step up to the challenge they so forcefully laid down. Meanwhile, the Steelers fans were holding a few inter-fanbase games of beer pong and flipcup in anticipation of the Pats fans' testicles dropping.

Finally, with considerable coaxing, the Pats fans finally ventured into the back room to get the games going. A good many of us came adorned in our club shirts. Not me, however, because I'm woefully disorganized. But the rest came correct AND in full effect, son. They's versatile like that.

From there, it was a total washout. Four games of flipcup, four Steelers fan victories. None of them even remotely close.
The last of which resulted in us lapping the Pats fans, after which they retired to the bar from which they never returned after their brief but humiliating beating. We attempted to draw them back to the tabletop of competition but they bitterly claimed, "We just wanted to come here and drink." Ah, what spirit.

See, that's a game face right there. Pats fans are all well and good at jumping bandwagons, but when it comes to the core principles of fandom, those that involve drinking people under the table, they are utter failures. It's as though they're all really baseball fans with nothing better to do during the winter.

For the game on Sunday, the Pour House was expectedly mobbed. We were joined by the guy who does Blog N Gold for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, who was putting together a little featurette on our fan club for the paper's site. I'm sure he'll have to edited out a lot of creative swearing during the second half of the game.

Jobie looks a little disappointed as he packs away his Joe Greene pillow after the game, no doubt plotting to suffocate a few Patriots fans in their sleep with it. It's all right, Jobie, no jury would convict you.


livindcbutsteelerfanbyheart said...

wish i would of known about this, found this site through behind the steel curtain. I live in dc, i would of love to give pats a little beat down

Cotter said...

There is no such thing as a Pats fan...it's all a myth. You said it, they're just Red Sox fans with nothing better to do.