9.03.2008

Steeler Summer Movie Retrospective


I'm a shameless and unabashed couch potato. The only thing that gets me through the NFL offseason (other than whippets and March Madness) are summer movies. I fucking love'em. "Gimme some SnowCaps...you don't have any? FUCK! I'll be sneaking in to an adjacent movie as I exit the one I paid for to enact my revenge, you zit-faced chimp. Now, give me those Swedish Fish and a Mountain Dew big enough to wash a child in. "

Anyway, allow me to rationalize the following by saying, "Here's this." I eagerly await your additional suggestions in the comments.


"The Dark Knight" - Ben Roethlisberger - More tickets bought for this one than any other; can work magic in a pinch; Oscar/MVP a real possibility

"Death Race" - Sean Mahan - That was fucking horrid, can I get a ticket refund?

"Iron Man" - Santonio Holmes - Explosions all over the damn place; This guy can fly

"Kung Fu Panda" - Byron Leftwich - whatever.

"The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" - Willie Parker - Sequel; Loads of special effects, but as good as the first time around?

"The Incredible Hulk" - Justin Hartwig - Please, God?

"Tropic Thunder" - Rashard Mendenhall - The new one everbody's talking about; can it take over for the reigning blockbuster?

"Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" - Charlie Batch - 2nd time around had flop written all over it; still warms our hearts to remember the good times; See'ya Chuck

"Wall-E" - Chris Kemoeatu - Get it, WALL-E? Wow, I'm desperate here

"Hellboy II: The Golden Army" - Heath Miller - Untraditional hero; flew right under most peoples' radar; true fans know how good it is

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" - Hines Ward - Old but dependable; Younger leading man (Holmes/LaBeouf) stealing scenes now

"Pineapple Express" - Limas Sweed - Haven't seen it yet, but loads of potential, if it doesn't drop the ball; Weed

"Hancock" - Nate Washington - Shit. Iron Man and Indiana Jones are sold out. Wanna see this one?

1 comment:

Spatula said...

"No Country for Old Men," -- Anthony Smith -- Like Carson Wells (Woody Harrelson) promises to get something he can't deliver.