10.29.2009

What Are YOU Watching This Weekend?

Don't look into his eyes, Mr. Mittens, he'll steal your soul.

Having to attend a wedding in the Fall is enough to strike fear into the heart of almost any sports fan. But, the Gods have smiled upon me, and of all weeks to be traveling away from The 'Burgh (and my television) I've been blessed with the bye week.

Indeed, there are a host of important athletic contests to monitor as the weekend progresses. I will not give anything but the casual glance at The Bottom Line to MLB and NCAA games, however. As far as I'm concerned, The World Series is an extrapolated joke played on us every year by two of the highest-salaried teams. There isn't a single college game that would hold my interest, save Oregon v. USC @ 8PM and I fully plan to have taken a bottle of scotch past the label by then. The Penguins play both Friday and Saturday, games. I'll follow on the phone, but being out of state will dictate I simply check The Pensblog at some point Monday for game updates, most likely.

BUT, AHHH, THE NFL. HOW I LOVE YOU. HOW GRATEFUL I AM FOR ALMOST EVERY GAME OF YOURS CAPTIVATING ME.

1 O'CLOCK GAMES:
(CBS)
(FOX)
Denver/Baltimore - Most likely the game you're watching. The game you SHOULD be watching. Gumbel & Dierdorf. Blek. No doubt, you'll be rooting for Denver. I've heard some postulate that we should hope the Ravens win so that we gain a game on the first-round bye vis a vie the Broncos. This nonsense. Where we are right now, our concerns need to be on th immediate, namely winning the division. Stick with rooting against all divisional threats, people. But, remember: We go to Denver next Monday, so every little bit of punishment they receive is a bonus for us as well.

NYG/Philadelphia - The Fox game, so the one you'll be toggling to during CBS commercials. They'll be making a huge deal out of Philly v. NY bullshit due to The World Series. I couldn't care less. I'm thinking the Giants right the ship, but fantasy interests should steer your cheering interests, here.

Seattle/Dallas - I fucking loathe Dallas.

SanFran/Indy - Sure, this upset could happen. And I could shit skittles, too.

St. Louis/Detroit - All fans in attendance will receive a voucher for 5 free therapy sessions.

Miami/NYJ - An example of a game in which you should pull against a team for their potential impact on our postseason down the road as the Jets will likely be in on the Wild Card hunt. Go fish (yes, I realize they're mammals, kill yourself).

Cleveland/Chicago - Bwahahaha.

Houston/Buffalo - Time to find out if the Texans can vie for a Wild Card spot. It's cold up there, Schaub, you still gonna be leading the league in TDs after this game? Pay-pey'll overtake you this week, sorry.

4 O'CLOCK GAMES
:
Minny/Green Bay - According to the map, unless you live in AZ or Carolina, you'll be completely immersed in a full-blown Favre-gasm. Watching Favre at Heinz last week, I am further convinced that his body will break down long before he could possibly hoist a Lombardi. Take a good look at the Pack, we face them on Dec. 20th.

Jacksonville/Tennessee - No one is watching. No one cares. But Jacksonville gets a winning record here, with KC coming in next week.

Oakland/San Diego - Chargers roll.

Carolina/Arizona - Beanie Wells available in your fantasy league? Grab him. The Cards are quietly reinacting last year all of a sudden.

8PM:
NOTHING. NOT A FUCKING THING. - Ape did a good job of detailling this travesty. Guess I'll watch the camera pan through the disgusting, knuckle-dragging Phillies crowd.

MNF:
Atlanta/New Orleans - Beginning to think Karma is on the Saints' side this year. Atlanta poses one of only a few remaining threats for Brees & Co. I'll be rooting for Atlanta, but expecting a double-digit W for Le Saintes.

See you next week, folks.

1 comment:

Spatula said...

"I fucking loathe Dallas." Sheer poetry, sir. And the follow up, "the disgusting, knuckle-dragging Phillies crowd," brought tears to my eyes with its expressive beauty.